christmas // a gingerbread, erm, love story

14 Dec 2011

My friend Jon was posting these photos, accompanied by hilarious captions, on Instagram. I immediately demanded (yep, not asked, demanded) that he send them all to me so I could post them on the world wide web. Hilarious!

Note the Tiffany's couple from the upper east side. Little does she know that he's cheating with her best friend.

However after she left her cheating husband, like those before her, she sued him and ended up with a bracelet, necklace and a killer tan. And a Herm├Ęs belt.

In the meantime he had moved on to experimenting at the local homosexual club where he met men of all different colours. But all the same shape.

Soon his weekends became routine. Clubs full of faceless bodies. How ever was he to find love? And would she ever find love while spending her divorce settlement?!

He finally found love in the name of Rico. Rico enjoyed playing tennis with his shirt off and in his sparkly headband. Rico also enjoyed body piercings and long walks on the beach.

She found love in a billionaire named Stirling while shopping at Tiffany's. Yes his eye and mouth were slightly conjoined, but what were looks when money, I mean love was involved?! They married the next week and settled in Bora Bora.

He and Rico married the next week under New York's new gay marriage laws. Unfortunately it was ruined due to an inexplicable mob of tourists from the far east... He and Rico were briefly separated but found each other when the mob had passed. They vowed never to leave each other's side.

She returned to Manhattan from Bora Bora after a hasty divorce from Stirling... As hasty as her marriage to Stirling had been. Apparently a conjoined mouth and eyes had its issues. But as she gazed out from her Upper East Side apartment, she realised there were plenty more diamond studded fish in the sea. While Carrie Breadshaw wrote her sad single person articles, our Manhattan girl had married twice and now lived like a queen. She cheered up at the thought.

The End


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